Okay I just wanted to say that that last post is the first "outpour" writing I've done in forever that I've been perfectly happy with the first time.

School sucks, but that's nothing new. I really should be working now becaus I only have two days to get a mountain of work done & if someone in the house finds me doing this instead I'm in more than major Trouble.

But I really had to share that I am so incredibly dissapointed in myself right now. I am seriously so "Falling in the Black" (skillet song) & it's really getting to me. I need to vent majorly. List Time.......

1>School. I already said it but it's totally #1 so yeah.

2>I MISS MY BFF SOOOOOO BADLY!! I haven't seen her since january & haven't heard from her in a month or so. Which is not unusual, but still. I wan to be a normal chick who actually talks to her BFF on a regular basis for ONCE. & it's not her fault totally, its just not the greatest situation.

3>My grandma (& everyone else) is going nuts over moving funiture around, which is one of my fave things to do. & I can't help because of stupid school. They've been doing this all night & I've been trying to work.

4>I'm back in imaginary land mentally. Where I obssess over things & have such amazing dreams that I can't help but think about them & what would happen if it were true after i wake up. I have no clue why I do this to myself & I'm starting to second guess my sanity.

5> I am withdrawing again, after making so much progress in the opposite direction.

6>Worst of all I've been stress eating like crazy. & I totally hate myself for it. Haven't been consistently puttin in my food but I've been crazy tempted to throw up a meal or two in the past week. I'm totally disgusted with myself.

I HATE THISSSSS!!!!!!!! & I WANT OUT NOW!!!!

But, don't worry I'm not gonna do anything stupid, there's too much at stake to quit now. I'm just REALLY wanting to regress back into old habits. I want to go to bed & wake up on Sunday morning with all my school done & decent grades, ready to rock out w/ the band. I am looking foward to that quite a lot.

Okay I HAVE to get back to work before I get busted, so off I go.....

Beaucoup d'Amour {Much Love},

Elle {That RockerChick}