Just a note...

David Cook is freaking amazing & so is the rest of the Anthemic.

& I am now an official Word Nerd!

Ellen Marie Groce aka WN#3747
Serendipitous Southern Dancer Word Nerd
Keeper of "Heaven Dipped in Deep Fried Batter"

That is all.

A Song for you

Something Heavenly (Whatever You're Doing) - Sanctus Real

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZayut9i45M

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Revaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender...To...

[Chorus]

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

YAY!

Today is the last day of working before my 2 weeks off. I won't have my laptop for those two weeks, but I don't even care!

Band practice tonight for KidsPort tomorrow.

"I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night...
I know that we'll have a ball
If we get down & go out & just loose it all
I feel f-ing stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out & loose all control"

~Elle {that RockerChick}

Okay I just wanted to say that that last post is the first "outpour" writing I've done in forever that I've been perfectly happy with the first time.

School sucks, but that's nothing new. I really should be working now becaus I only have two days to get a mountain of work done & if someone in the house finds me doing this instead I'm in more than major Trouble.

But I really had to share that I am so incredibly dissapointed in myself right now. I am seriously so "Falling in the Black" (skillet song) & it's really getting to me. I need to vent majorly. List Time.......

1>School. I already said it but it's totally #1 so yeah.

2>I MISS MY BFF SOOOOOO BADLY!! I haven't seen her since january & haven't heard from her in a month or so. Which is not unusual, but still. I wan to be a normal chick who actually talks to her BFF on a regular basis for ONCE. & it's not her fault totally, its just not the greatest situation.

3>My grandma (& everyone else) is going nuts over moving funiture around, which is one of my fave things to do. & I can't help because of stupid school. They've been doing this all night & I've been trying to work.

4>I'm back in imaginary land mentally. Where I obssess over things & have such amazing dreams that I can't help but think about them & what would happen if it were true after i wake up. I have no clue why I do this to myself & I'm starting to second guess my sanity.

5> I am withdrawing again, after making so much progress in the opposite direction.

6>Worst of all I've been stress eating like crazy. & I totally hate myself for it. Haven't been consistently puttin in my food but I've been crazy tempted to throw up a meal or two in the past week. I'm totally disgusted with myself.

I HATE THISSSSS!!!!!!!! & I WANT OUT NOW!!!!

But, don't worry I'm not gonna do anything stupid, there's too much at stake to quit now. I'm just REALLY wanting to regress back into old habits. I want to go to bed & wake up on Sunday morning with all my school done & decent grades, ready to rock out w/ the band. I am looking foward to that quite a lot.

Okay I HAVE to get back to work before I get busted, so off I go.....

Beaucoup d'Amour {Much Love},

Elle {That RockerChick}

like, now...

It doesn’t matter how many days go by. Every time her stress level reaches its peak, every time she reaches a new low, her mind goes straight to the basket on her dresser. It holds the knife. The knife whose blade has “helped” her drown her sorrows a thousand times before. That blade that left scars on more than just her body. She always thinks of it, though it hasn’t moved from its plain sight hiding place in over a year. She’s forced herself not to depend on it, out of fear more than anything else. But she has not learned new ways to deal with her pain. Or maybe she has, but she chooses to hold it in all the same. She still feels like she has no one to trust, least of all herself. Maybe some of the ways she deals with it now are just as bad as the knife, but more acceptable. Maybe the mixture of blood and tears is better than the alternatives she’s finding. Maybe. But maybe not. She’s not sure of that just yet, she may never be. For now she will attempt, once again, to forget about the knife. To resist its addictive pull. Reminding herself that it only ends in tears and disappointment. But no matter how many times she says no, she always thinks of it. Every single time. ~ me, Do NOT palgarize my work! Esp. this. I may allow you use it but ask 1st.

So here I go again. Attempting to get my life "together". This time with a whole new set of reasons and motivations and the sam old challenges. I usually begin by rehashing my story, full of excuses and "woe is me" moments, but not this time. This time, the past is gone. All I remember is the lessons I've learned. And now I shall move foward.

This blog is seriously me rambling. It's good to get things off your chest, & technology makes that quite easy these days. SO here's my outlet to do such. K?! So if anyone actually reads this... well that'd be a change.

I actually am making a lot of changes. I'm trying to get healthy, which is going to include losing a considerable ammount of weight (130 lbs.). Also I feel myself slipping back into the fake person I used to be, & thas not good, so I'm working on that too.

I'm really excited about several things happening in my life in the next few months. Next month my youth group is going to Carowinds for the Skillet & BarlowGirl concert!! & in October my awesome Cousin Megan is coming down from Indiana & we (along w/ my parents....) are going to the SC state fair!!!!!!!!! Why would I be sooooooo excited about the fair? Because Friday the 16th is the tobyMac concert &&&&&&&& Saturday the 17th is.......... the DAVID COOK concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm kinda a big fan, lol. Search "David Cook Banter" or "David Cook Pork Beans" on youtube & you'll see why he so awesome, he's hillarious!

Anyway, anybody that knows a concert I can go to in November, that'd mean I'd have one or more concerts a month for thru.... January! Sweet.

Okay, back to work I go....

~Elle {a.k.a - thatrockerchick}